The Standard We Set

By: Monika Coronado, M.S.

I’ve heard it said that as long as you do right by your athletes, you can’t get it wrong. In theory, that sounds simple enough. But in practice, I find myself asking what “right” even means. I question decisions I’ve made, replay conversations in my head, and sometimes that weight sits heavier than any loss could.

I’ve asked veteran coaches this same question more times than I can count: How do you know when you’re successful as a coach? Not in terms of wins and losses. That part is easy to measure. I mean, successful in helping raise these kids. In shaping who they are beyond the field. How do you know you’ve truly done right by them?

The answers are almost always… predictable. The most common one is this: You’ll know when they come back years later as adults, and you see all they’ve accomplished. And while I understand that perspective, I can’t help but wonder, what if I don’t want to wait until then? What if I want to know now? What if I want to see proof today so I can adjust, grow, and be better for the kids I have now?  Whether we realize it or not, coaching is a form of parenting. We are helping raise kids during some of their most formative years. The standard we set in athletics often becomes the standard they carry into the rest of their lives.

Respect: A Non-Negotiable Skill

I have been known to sweat the small stuff. You will look at an adult when they are speaking to you. Your feet (and the rest of your body) will face whoever is addressing you. You will respond with “Yes ma’am,” “Yes sir,” “No ma’am,” or “No sir,” not “Yeah.” You will say please. You will say thank you. You will not use profanity. You will encourage your teammates. You will hold yourself accountable. You will. Not because I’m controlling, but because I understand that habits formed here will follow them long after the uniform comes off. Especially with the upcoming generations of kids, this needs to be the expectation – the standard. An athlete who talks back to officials, leaves a mess on the bus, and doesn’t thank the custodian will turn into an adult who disrespects their boss and doesn’t work to the best of their ability. The goal isn’t obedience. It’s preparation for life beyond athletics. 

You see, not holding them to this standard may seem minuscule. After all, what’s the difference between yes and yeah? They both mean the same thing. However, the reality is that for lots of athletes, athletics is the only source of structure they have. If we do not show them these expectations and hold them accountable, no one will. We would be doing them a disservice if we let them get away with anything less than their best.

Where Ego Ends, and Team Begins

Even as adults, it’s difficult to understand the concept of “Just put aside your ego.” When I transitioned from coaching softball, a sport I lived and breathed since I was 4 years old, to soccer, a sport I played sporadically until 8^th grade, I had an extremely difficult time finding a “place.” I knew that I was capable of something as a soccer coach, I just wasn’t sure what that looked like in this new program. The season was approaching, and I needed to find my niche. Fast. While I was used to being the X’s and O’s coach, the softball coach who was able to spot out the most minor detail and correct it on the fly, that was not the case with soccer. Not being “that” coach who “just knew” was a blow to my ego. How could I not just KNOW?

After wrestling with that feeling for a while, I finally decided to push it aside and take control of the situation. Okay, I know I can’t do that yet. But what can I do while I learn? What am I already good at? How can I put it to good use? 

The answer came in an unexpected way, and I was able to contribute with so many things behind the scenes. Team building activities, socioemotional activities, community service, and school involvement, I was great at organizing them all. While I strived to become the X’s and O’s coach, and while I still developed that skill, I really zoned in on how I could help the program be better now. It was about the team, not about my ego.

That realization, and that experience, really helped build the person I am now. I learned it later in life, and it still made me better. Without trying to sound cliché, I learned that it should be “we” before “me,” and along the way, I learned that I could do new, difficult things. Can you imagine if our kids learned this lesson early in their lives? How much better they’d be for it? Athletics gives us a rare opportunity to teach athletes that their value isn’t tied to attention, status, or praise. It’s tied to contribution, humility, and commitment to something bigger than themselves.

Wins Fade – Reputation Doesn’t 

The truth is: Talent will cycle in and out. We will have good years, and we will have not-so-good years. However, culture will remain. It all starts at the top. Athletes can spot hypocrisy from a mile away. If you set these expectations but fail to meet them yourself, it will be very difficult for your teams to adhere to them. Think of it as a snowball effect. Let’s say I, the coach, am constantly late. But it’s just a few minutes. Who cares? My athletes will then think that time is not valuable, and standards are flexible. Inevitably, they will start showing up late. After all, it’s just a couple of minutes, isn’t it? Warmups will be rushed. Focus will be all over the place during the better half of practice. Practices will lack urgency. Preparation will be sub-par. Then, finally, games will be sloppy and extremely disorganized. We will lose. Not because we aren’t talented, but because the standard we set allowed disorder to replace discipline.

The small things really do matter.

Looking Inward

At some point, coaching requires us to look inward. To ask ourselves if we are truly helping raise good kids, not just successful athletes. Are we living the standard we demand, or simply preaching it when it’s convenient? Because long before the wins fade or the records are forgotten, our athletes will carry with them the example we set. And that may be the most honest measure of our success.

*About the Author:

I’ve been coaching since I was 18, working across multiple programs—private pitching, varsity softball, volleyball, and soccer, middle school track, and ACE softball—while also teaching high school English for the past five years.

I hold a B.A. in English (minor in Legal Studies) and an M.S. in Kinesiology with a focus in Sports Management. That background shapes how I develop athletes and leaders. I’ve built programs like the Game-Changer Playbook and The Butterfly Effect to promote leadership, accountability, and mental wellness—supporting athletes as people, not just performers. My mission is to help create a more intentional, human coaching culture that builds stronger teams and communities.